Episode 59: AutoShow-Erotic Asphyxiation

Matt and Phil take the show on location to the 2011 Portland International Auto Show at the Convention Center! At the show, they meet the winner of the InBedwithMattandPhil.com celebrity guest poll, Ray Foote, to review all the new cars and have awkward/creepy conversation with the lovely Auto Show representatives.

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"The Last Remaining Gentleman" Ray Foote shows us how to open the door for a "lady."

Online Dirty Sheet: Volume 2 (ONLINE EXCLUSIVE!)

All the news you need, in one dirty little package.

An American Football Team

ST. PAUL, Minn. - A sports bar owner in Minnesota showed his support for the Green Bay Packers in last weekend's game against the Chicago Bears in a very literal way — by roasting a bear. He planned to serve the meat to customers, but the state health department rejected the plan because the meat is unprocessed - The Associated Press

Punchline: Good thing they weren't playing the Washington Redskins.

"Bye-Bye Bitches!"

TAMPA, Fla. — A man in central Florida has been charged with child neglect after authorities say he let his 15-year-old son drive because the man was too drunk. The arrest report says the father told deputies he was too drunk to drive and didn't have money to stay at a hotel because he spent it all on alcohol. - The Associated Press

Punchline: So, it sounds like the kid was at the bars with his dad, matching every shot of vodka with a shot of 2% chocolate milk and an oatmeal cookie chaser.

Punchline 2: See, this is why Michael Jackson was such a good father. He would've had no problem staying at a hotel with a young boy.

Rare Photo: Happy Sam Jackson

YANGON, Myanmar — Two men have been arrested for allegedly trying to smuggle nearly 5,000 snakes from Myanmar to China. - The Associated Press

Punchline: When reached for comment, Samuel L Jackson's stated that his position remains unchanged on the subject of these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane.

MSNBC reports of a woman in New Zealand, who was partially paralyzed from a hickey. Doctors found the hickey on her neck near a major artery, and discovered a blood clot in the artery beneath the hickey had traveled to her heart and caused a small stroke.

Punchline: Also found at the scene was a Jonas Brothers purity ring.

Punchline 2: If this girl can't handle a simple hickey, what is she going to do when her boyfriend eventually drops his balls in her ass?

MACON, Ga. - A woman in Georgia recently received a post card, which her husband sent from New Mexico in 1958. - The Associated Press

Punchline: It's still faster than trying to send a picture message from an iPhone.

Punchline 2: A mysterious weather balloon was blamed for the delay.

Apple, Yum Yum

Cultofmac.com reports of a U.K. woman, who hung up on Apple when they called to tell her she had won a $10,000 iTunes gift card.

Punchline: That's one satisfied Zune customer!

Crocodile Dundee

KIEV, Ukraine — Gena, a 14-year-old crocodile at an aquarium in the eastern city of Dnipropetrovsk, has been refusing food and acting listless after eating a cell phone dropped by a woman as she tried to photograph the animal. The phone can be heard ringing from the crocodile's belly.

Punchline: The crocodile is so upset, it hung on on Apple when they called to offer it the rest of Captain Hook.

Under the Tights VI: with Rome Philips & Gib Matthias

Episode 6... 1... 9!! Okay, just episode 6

Dr. Allen Grant, pediatrician and pro-wrestling expert, is Rome and Gib's special guest this week. In addition to discussing all the latest WWE and TNA news, they weigh in on wrestling’s all-time biggest controversies, including Christ Benoit, Owen Hart, and The Montreal Screwjob. Gib has reviews of the latest wrestling movies Knucklehead and the one with John Cena. And they finally... FINALLY review Smackdown vs Raw 2011. Lastly, there is a very special Pillow Talk involving the Royal Rumble and embarrassing memories from the boys' past.

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And now, here's a Scott Steiner promo to wet your appetite. But first, take your clothes off.

Episode 58: Panty Raiders of the Lust Ark

Matt and Phil's new Ethiopian adopted-son Gemedi is back this week to talk about having a baby. Matt debuts his brand new Living & Lifestyle segment: Fuck Josh Hartnet! Also on the show: Pillow Talk, Free Stand-Up Comedy, Matt tells of his encounter with Greg Oden in a Buffalo Wild Wings bathroom, M&P get the sexually uninterested people of Japan all hot and bothered with a brand new episode of Dalliances and Chandeliers, and much much more!

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Super Important Links From Today's Show:
Gemedi's Website

The Dirty Sheet: Online Vol. 1

All the news you need, in one dirty little package.

Jose or Ozzie Conseco

TMZ reported that former baseball player Jose Conseco’s twin brother Ozzie was recently apprehended for a DUI. Ozzie has also played some professional baseball, but only briefly in the major leagues.
Punchline: It must suck to know that there’s another you out there that has achieved a lot more than you have. But it must really burn when that other person is Jose Consceco.

Greased Up Deaf Guy

Springwise.com featured an article on an Indian courier that only hires deaf people. India has one of the largest deaf populations in the world, but social norms have made it difficult for them to get work.
Punchline: Remember, you heard it here first!

Panties

Springwise.com also had an article on a Candian company called “Panty by Post.” The company sells panties, which are also available in a monthly subscription in which you receive a “panty of the month.”
Punchline: I don’t know about this. I signed up but when I put the used panty back in the envelope, they refused to send me a new one back.

Yahoo! news boldy ran a story about climate change in the year 3000. According to the article, if humanity stopped producing CO2 emissions this year, CO2 pollution would still be an issue until that time.
Punchline 1: Good thing that we only have 989 more years for someone to figure out how to combine a Prius with a Dyson.
Punchline 2: I look forward to checking on the validity of this study.

Many of us read our horoscopes everyday. But now, it turns out you may be reading the wrong sign, states MSNBC. A shift in the sky over the millenniums altered your zodialogical sign. The star doctors say Earth right now is in a totally different spot in relation to the sun and its equatorial alignment than it was 3,000 years ago.That's when the 12 zodiac signs were assigned. Those signs you were born into are now not really the same because the Earth's wobble on its axis means a nearly one-month bump in the stars alignment. Depending on whether you are on the cusp, your sign either changed or just moved a bit.

Here is the updated list:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11
Pisces: March 11-April 18
Aries: April 18-May 13
Taurus: May 13-June 21
Gemini: June 21-July 20
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29
Ophiuchus:* Nov. 29-Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

Punchline: Doesn’t it suck that the American zodiac was broken but the Chinese one is fine? But shit, who are we to question Asian math on MLK week?

WMCTV reports that 90 students at a Memphis high school became pregnant this school year alone.
Punchline 1: Hopefully at least one of these young gunslingers told his girl, “Hail to king baby,” before ruining both their lives.

Punchline 2: They’re just giving away A’s in human anatomy.
Punchline 3: Oh Matthew!

At Least it's Not a Dick Pic

And the last news thread in the dirty sheet comes to us by way of Gawker.com. The website reports that Bret Farve’s sister Brandi was arrested last week in a Mississippi meth lab.
Punchline: Sadly, Brandi could never commit to retiring from using illegal substances.

Portman: Ready to Murder Naysayers

Web Exclusive: Perezhilton.com reports that Natalie Portman's friends are concerned about her new baby daddy, ballet instructor Ben Millepied.

Punchline 1: They're concerned because he keeps asking to see her V for VISA.

Punchline 2: They're concerned because they've seen his White Swan and it's not quite as epically sized as a Black Swan.

Punchline 3: They're concerned because he keeps dancing around the big issues.

Episode 57: Coming to America

Ethiopian "Prince" Gemedi joins Matt and Phil for this special Martin Luther King, Jr Day episode. In Bed honors Dr. King by doing comedy that he probably wouldn't have laughed at, but that's okay because nobody else does either. Today on the show: M&P discuss relationships with Gemedi in Pillow talk, go over all the big news stories in The Dirty Sheet, debut the brand new segment CineMATTics, where Matt reviews The Green Hornet, Phil Your Mind, and much, much more!

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Super Important Links From Today's Show:
Gemedi's Website

The Full Version of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr's "I Have a Dream" Speech.

CineMATTics: The Green Hornet Review

Green Hornet? More like Green HorNOT!

First of all, this movie has a pretty good cast, a cool director, and hilarious screenwriters. So it should be awesome, right?

I actually like the casting of Seth Rogan (Hollywood’s favorite fatshit funnyman) as the titular character of The Green Hornet. Cameron "Take Me or Leave Me" Diaz, AKA Cameron “What Am I Doing in this Movie?” Diaz, also stars as Lenore Case, the sassy secretary with a... well I really wanted to say, "heart of gold," but her heart, unfortunately, is only made of blood and tissue, or she might've had some sort of value in this movie. Christoph Waltz, who I (along with every critic in the world) thought was excellent in Inglorious Basterds, plays the villainous Chudnofsky. I was wondering what his next big acting choice would be after the fame he achieved at the Oscars last year. Apparently, that choice was to play a forgettable villain in a dumb action comedy.

Michel Gondry, the artsy-fartsy director behind Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Science of Sleep, seemingly stepped out of his comfort zone to direct this big budget, would-be blockbuster. I don’t know why the producers thought he could direct a huge action movie, after mostly directing bizarre music videos and quirky love stories. He did an okay job, but there was nothing spectacular here.

Overall, the movie was not great. It had plenty of action, but it was too violent to match the comedic tone of the movie, and not violent enough to be over-the-top fun/campy. I could've also used more neat martial arts from Kato, played by Jay Chau. Also, the dialogue and humorous situations were not what you’d expect from Seth Rogan and Evan Goldberg, the screenwriter’s of Pineapple Express and Superbad. The movie had its funny moments, but the constant banter between Seth Rogan and Jay Chau was tedious more often than it was witty or fun. The pieces just didn’t all fit together to make a good movie.

Fans of Seth Rogan won't like it. Fans of Michel Gondry won't like it. Fans of the original Green Hornet series probably won't like it either, because they're dead. Who will like it? People who are in the mood for a dumb action comedy.

Final Grade: C -

If you ARE going to watch it:

Recomended Format: 2D Matinee or wait for Home Video. The 3D adds very little to the film.

Recomended Snack: Twizzlers and Coke

Recomended booze to smuggle into the theater: A water bottle full of vodka.

Under the Tights with Rome Philips and Gib Matthias: Episode V

Canadian superstar John Canton, of the international pro-wrestling blog sensation The John Report, is Rome and Gib's special guest this week, chatting with the boys all the way from Toronto, Canada via Skype. John talks about everything from his personal history with pro-wrestling, to the current state of WWE & TNA, to the future of the biz, and much, much more! Listen to this show! It'll knock you the fuck out! Allegedly.

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 Super important links from today's show:
The John Report
Rajah.com
John's Facebook
John's Twitter

Some of John's best articles from 2010:
Thank You Shawn Michaels
Paying Homage to Bret Hart
Respecting the Game
Why Randy Savage Mattered
Remembering Eddie Guerrero Five Years Later
Twenty Ideas for WWE to Consider

Under the Tights V: Preview!

Canadian superstar John Canton, of the international pro-wrestling blog sensation, The John Report, will be Rome and Gib's special guest, chatting from Toronto via Skype, on tomorrow's episode of Under the Tights! We'll talk to him about everything from his personal history with pro-wrestling, to the current state of WWE & TNA, to the future of the biz. Listen to this show! Mickie James loves John, and so should YOU!

Stream it tomorrow at 11:00 am Pacific, only on Cascadia.fm!

...

Or on here later.  Woo WOO Woo!

*photo courtesy of TheJohnReport.net*

Episode 56: Kenny's Wife Was in a Gang

Local Celebrity Kenny Field, of the Portland bands Empire Rocket Machine and The Fallmen, is our guest in the Lake Oswego studio this week. He gives us an update on this year's Rock Against Alzheimer's concert, we talk music, sports, beer, the news, we try to figure out why Taylor Swift is killing birds in the sky. We also talk about how Kenny's wife killed people when she was in a gang, and much much more!

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Check out Empire Rocket Machine's music video for Unfurled!



Super important links from today's show:
Empire Rocket Machine on Facebook
The Fallmen on Facebook
Rock Against Alzheimer's on Facebook
Empire Rocket Machine Music on Amazon
The Fallmen Music on Amazon
Alzheimer's Association of Oregon

Would you wear this?

Also, what do you think of the shirt?

Under the Tights with Rome Philips and Gib Matthias: Episode IV

Rome and Gib go over all the latest week-old WWE & TNA news, listen to Kevin Nash threaten Wade Barrett's wife, review all the major wrestling shows, share their 2010 score card, and make 2011 New Year’s predictions, some of which have already come true since taping this! Rome and Gib also go on location to the classy Bridgeport Mall to talk to random mall-goers about pro-wrestling. You won't want to miss how many people straight-up refuse to talk to them.

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Episode 55: Turning it Up to '11

TODAY ON THE SHOW: The Dirty Sheet, Matt’s New Year’s resolution, Phil's new segment: Fuck Mark Wahlberg, what to do with the "Clone-A-Pussy" Christmas gift from Robert Wagner and Sabrina Miller, the 2011 debut of “Pillow Talk,” a discussion on which "hot" celebrity women are overrated, the debut of our new soap opera, "Dalliances & Chandeliers," and much, much more!

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